domingo, 22 de mayo de 2011

Old Glory

Hey all-

You know that feeling that you have in the morning, right after you wake up (we're talking minutes or seconds here), when you are shuffling to the bathroom out of sheer necessity, but for all intents and are purposes still mentally asleep? That was me four minutes ago.  That's not me now...

Let me give you a quick layout of the hallway situation that is going on here at 11 Calle Deporista Manuel Suarez, Apartment 2B.  My bedroom door opens, and I have a blissfully clear shot to my lefts, no rights, no stopping at go to collect $200.  We are talking "todo recto" here (straight ahead).  My madre's bathroom is immediately to the right of mine, so that our bathroom doors make a right angle.  Now that you are familiarized with the terrain, let's take a quick trip back in time, to today.

I wake up, still extremely excited about the content of my latest dream: Reese's peanut butter cup candies with the form and function of Kit Kats (the innovation, of course, being the new and improved wafer layer and golden nugget shape).  I open my eyes about as wide as the slots on a piggy bank, throw a silent prayer of thanks that the grandchildren that I heard were from the apartment upstairs and not residing in mine, and pad my way to the bathroom in what I believed was my empty apartment.  As I walk past my madre's open bathroom door, I notice that the light is on, so I turn my head from my bathroom destination to my right....where my Madre (vital stat: 65 odd years old) is wearing a small, very small, tiny BIKINI that is white/see through on top with an American flag pattern on the bottom.  After she finished curling her eyelashes with the new heated eyelash curler she bought from Sephora, she continued to nonchalantly flit around the house (and on the terrace) in this stunning number, which, might I add, I would not have been allowed out of the house in.  

At this point, all I can hope is that we don't cross paths today on the beach and I find her topless.

Good morning to all.

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